I had a message the other day, from one of my followers, saying they were finding everything at home annoying – noise, people, routines, everything.
It’s important to remember that we are in a very unusual context. Even in World War II, people could go to the shops, go to the pub, be with their community. Now we are spending 24 hours a day, every day, with the same very small group of people, with no option to go out, have freedom or simply see different faces. Understandably, we’re not used to that.
In the main, people’s behaviours has not changed – their behaviours would have annoyed you in the past, if you’d been with them 24 hours/7 days a week without any form of escapism. These aren’t new habits, they have just never been as magnified. In the past, part of your routine or ritual would be getting out of the house – going to work, doing the shopping, meeting friends or going for a run,etc..
What can we do?
For this, we turn to Ho’o Pono Pono. Pono is an Hawaiian word that means ‘to make right’. A repeated word means the effect is multiplied several times over, so this means ‘to make really, really right’. In the old days, you would make Pono with people in your village if you had a disagreement. You would both have a say and then you would both be right, it is just a question of perception and of understanding the other person’s perception.
When you have been with someone for years, you mind-read that their values are the same as yours. Most of the time, that isn’t the case. Even things you would broadly agree on – something simple like ‘how do you know your partner loves you’ – may be interpreted differently enough by each of you to have a small fall-out over it.
This comes down to the NLP presupposition that everyone has a unique model of the world, even people who you live with all the time. Your top-level value might have the same label, but the meaning of that label is different.
Ho’o Pono Pono is about understanding the other person’s model and forgiving them for the differences. It’s like the Native American peace pipe; you only talk while holding the pipe, to ensure you listen to each other uninterrupted, leading to quicker resolution of problems.
So, if the person’s habits have always been there, where’s the bother? It’s inside of you.
You will never resolve an issue while you think it’s your husband, wife, kids, your neighbours or the virus to blame. They’re the trigger, but the problem is inside of you. As soon as you’ve realised that, you’ll be able to resolve those issues.
To help with this we have put together a new Ho’o Pono Pono guided process that works with fewer people (or even one person). You can download this at https://bit.ly/2VDIKU8
I hope this helps keep you calm and resolves any issues you may have in this difficult time.